It's about damn time....

IUI #2 tomorrow!

Cross your fingers will ya?

How could I NOT want another of these?

He makes my heart sing.

Yesterday in the car he said "I like your hair Mommy. It's pretty. It looks so nice"

*melt*

Well, it finally happened. In the past, when people offer advice, I would tell myself " we haven't been trying THAT long, it's okay that they said that." But yesterday got me.

I went in to tell my assosciate principal that I was changing my mind about going to the MMGW conference in New Orleans. My principal came to me Monday afternoon and said he needed to purchase the plane tickets right away and he needed a final answer. Mr and I talked about it and if these next two IUIs don't work, we'll be moving on to IVF this summer, most likely in July. I had to decline.

I told my assoc. principal why I decided not to go. Of course, in the next three minutes I heard the following statements from her:

• You aren't getting pregnant BECAUSE you are trying.
• You need to relax about it.
• I know a woman who tried for like TEN YEARS to get pregnant, spent all of her money of IVF and finally had a little girl. Now she's due with an OOPS, be careful what you wish for.
• Have a glass of wine, that will do it.

Here is what I would like to have said:

• Yeah, you are right. I'll just stop trying and that will work.
• Will you pay for weekly massages? I think that might help me relax.
• Thanks, thanks...those stories never fail to make my life so much better.
• Wine? Yeah, wine will make everything all right (I sort of agree with this one, but hell, I've had enough wine in the last year to ensure triplets and zip, nada, nothing!)

Now, as I've said...up until now I've been able to glance over these things. I've told myself "hey, no big deal." But this hurt. I think because she just had a gorgeous little girl a year ago (her second.) She only wanted one until I brought Boo in to school one day and she held him. After that, she would tell me that holding him made her want a second. She now has that second one. I don't.

In other news:

Mr's SA is back and his count (drumroll please.....)

165 million!!!!

up from 8

He says he was "inspired"

LMAO

Filed trip and a lot of questions

I feel like I'm letting my team down. We are taking ohhh...120 7th graders on a trip to the IMAX on friday. Yes, friday before spring break. Yes, we are a little crazy. We figured, what the hell, let's get out of here on a day they'll be crazy anyway.

I am staying back with the kids who aren't going since I have mixed team classes and otherwise I'll have to get someone to cover all of my classes.

We'll have IUI #2 this week and it won't be tomorrow...so I'll be gone one morning this week. It might be friday. I felt it was only fair to let the others on my team know this. I feel guilty, but I'm not going to blow this cycle because of a field trip. They are okay about it, but I know that it's a pain in the ass to have to try to figure out what to tell a sub IF I'll be gone.

I can't really help that, now can I? They aren't mad, but it's a PITA for them (and me) that I just can't avoid. I could have just not said anything, but that isn't fair. So now I feel like a freak idiot because I can't control when my body is going to ovulate and because I can't get pregnant the normal way.

Oh...and to ramble on a little more...It hit me the other day how much of a lapsed Catholic I am now. I mean, I have always taken BCP, so it's not as if I were devout before (and I've done MUCH worse, but that's another story.) But why is it that I'm just now realizing how against ART (IUI, IVF) the church is? What does this mean? Does it mean that I don't believe in God because I'm chosing to use technology to have another child? Does it mean that my child will not be welcome? Does it mean I'll never be welcome again?

More importantly, why is this bothering me now? I haven't even gone to church regularly in the past year and a half. I had just recently started going semi-recently in the year before that after 10 years of not going. Why is this a big deal to me now?

Is God punishing me for the things I've done in my past? If so, does that mean I'll be punished forever if I concieve via methods the Pope doesn't approve of? Does this make me a bad person? Can you tell from looking at me?

It's the Weather

I've been teaching for almost 10 years. In that time, I've formulated a theory about how the weather affects students. When it's humid, dark and rainy, the kids act up. The last few days have been this way too.

It might have to do with the fact that it's one week before spring break and the weather is suddenly warm. It's supposed to be 80 degrees here next week...I am NOT looking forward to that two days before break. They'll crazy.

They are talkative today. Talkative and not cooperating. It's frustrating to try to get a classroom full of students to play attention when they are squirmy and whispering to each other. I blame the barometer. I'd bet that given enough money to research it, I'd come to the conclusion that barometric pressure causes mood swings.

It doesn't help that I'm just blah today too. I am grouchy, tired and just not wanting to do MY work. I'm distracted and a bit headachy. What a whiner huh?

I want to go home and hide. Of course, I won't. We're going to the Y tonight to try it out. We aren't telliing Boo that's where we're going until we get there. We have tried talking "the gym" up to him, but he doesn't like the idea. We're going and going to cross our fingers that he doesn't FREAK and we can work out.

Okay....I'm now rambling and not making sense...so I'll go...excuse my post today

It must be the weather!

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off

and start all over again...


Started Clomid Saturday and will do another IUI. Dh has to have another SA to check his counts as they were down the last time. Fun times.

I must not be Irish enough.

Sigh.............


AF showed, 3 days early.

I guess being 1/4 Irish wasn't quite enough this cycle.

I'm putting in a call to the RE to see what we do next...blech.