Grant's Gang is Marching for Babies!

It's March for Babies time! (formerly called WalkAmerica)

As you all know, I am very involved with our local March of Dimes. Our NICU support group has gotten a grant to give resources to parents of children in the NICU, including support group information, helpful items like gift cards to the coffee shop, water bottles, information on RSV, keychains and photo/nicu baby books. This organization is close to my heart. I would like to ask you to think about donating to our March for Babies team this year.

To donate, please click this link to be taken to our team page.
http://www.marchforbabies.org/personal_page.asp?w=71001048&u=grantsgang

As an added incentive, anyone who donates will have their name put into a drawing for a custom child (or adult) hat/mittens OR handmade socks of your choice. All you have to do is donate to Grant's Gang's fundraising effort!



Grant Spencer Smithson was born 9 weeks too early on September 12, 2004. He was 4lbs, 2oz. When Grant was 24 hours old, he was airlifted to the NICU in Iowa City. There he received blood transfusions, surfactant for his lungs, antibiotics and specialized care. Despite having received steriods in utero to strengthen his lungs, he suffered from RDS (respiratory distress syndrome). Grant (and mom and dad) rode the rollercoaster that is NICU for 42 days until he was able to come home.

Although he was behind in his milestones for the first two years, Grant is now a precocious preschooler who is caught up to his peers. He enjoys reading, playing with Lightning McQueen and riding his BMX bike.He is the joy of our lives. He amazes us everyday with something new.

We have come to know several other families of preemies. Until Grant was born, we never knew how common premature births were. We also didn't know how serious it can be. Not all families are as lucky as we are to have their precious children today.The March of Dimes has been a leader in research including research on the condition I had, Vasa Previa. This organization SAVES babies!

Today in the U.S., 1 in every 8 babies will be born prematurely. Some of them won't survive, and others will have health problems that could last a lifetime. The funds we raise in WalkAmerica support research that saves babies' lives.

The mission of March of Dimes is to improve the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth, and infant mortality.

Let me tell you about my friends

I arrived home last night to a box for me. It was filled with amazing gifts.

There is a 100.00 gift certificate from John Taylor Day Spa, gift cards to Starbucks and Aeropostale, Chocolate (the new Bliss...amazing!), two skeins of beautiful yarn, two pattern books and a set of Knitpicks Options Harmony Wood Interchangable needles all in an adorable spring basket.In addition, there was a donation made in our name to the March of Dimes, something very important to us.

Who is this amazing gift from? It's from "my ladies"...a message board I've been a part of for several years now. This is the same board where Carrie found her egg angel. I've met some of them in person, but others I haven't.

They are incredible women. I am overwhelmed by their generosity. They have been an incredible support for me, they listen to me fret, whine and cry...but this overwhelmed me.

The world is a good place!

Can't seem to shake it

It's the first day of spring, Easter is coming. I should be happy...but I'm not.

I host Easter for our family. I love to host usually. Mr calls me Martha all day. I plan out the menu far in advance, do special things like hiding treats, look for Easter decor....

But this year, I'm not into it. At. All.

Part of it is that we usually have Spring Break the week before Easter or at a minumum we have Good Friday off. Not this year though. So I have very little time to get ready. My parents will be here early Saturday afternoon. I work tomorrow too...booo....

But honestly, part of it is that I realized that in my grand scheme, the outcome of the trial would have allowed us to be announcing how many we were having rather than having to explain that it failed, that I failed. Because, let's face it...my body failed. I put three healthy, high rated, good celled embryos in and my body didn't accept them. And it sucks...

And, I'm sick of talking pregnancy with everyone at school around me. SICK. OF. IT! Sick of hearing them complain, sick of everyone telling them what to expect, sick of everything.

I think I'm depressed.

Jeesh

I feel like I'm back in the dark ages! I'm temping and using OPK's again. After doing other treatments, it just seems wierd...KWIM?

Round and Round

As I sat waiting for our literacy meeting to start today, two other teachers from my building were talking. A was talking to V, explaining the arrangements they are making for when her #2 arrives this summer. She's due in June. She said something along the lines of "my husband said to me, 'what were we thinking, two is going to be a lot more work than one.'" V replied, that is part of what my husband and I discussed. Part of the reason we decided not to do IVF is that we are so comfy and in our routine with our son. Throughout the morning, V kept bringing up other reasons why it would be okay for her son to be an only child.

I chose not to participate in the discussion for several reasons, not the least of which being that V is good friends with my mortal enemy and I just didn't want to open myself up to that. Another reason I didn't speak up was that I thought about what Jane said at One Smart Mama in the post about regifting words.

But the overall reason I didn't join in is that I'd have to side with one or the other. If I agreed that V shouldn't have any more or pursue any more, would that mean that *I* shouldn't either? Up until now, I haven't really had to face that decision. I still don't want to. I'm not ready to say "Boo will be an only child." V is facing that and what I heard was her justifying her decisions as if she HAD to. I'm not ready to go there.

It's like when you come to a crossroads (watch me get all symbolic here)...but I don't want to make a decision yet. I'm not ready. So instead of a crossroads, let's call this a roundabout. I can get on and off whenever I want to or continue to go in circles. I'm not ready to turn any one corner yet. I'm not sure if we are firmly in the "pursuing pregnancy" camp or the "one and done" camp. So I'll hang out in the roundabout for a while. I'm sure I'll get dizzy sooner or later. But right now...round we go.

Stupid and Angry

I went to the Chiro's office yesterday for a massage. It was going to be a nice treat since I'd scheduled it ages ago and forgotten.

As I was sitting in the waiting room, a young couple with brand new twins came in. They weren't two weeks old yet. For the first time, I could barely look. I felt so uncomfortable glancing at this mother who was gazing at her son as she held him with the glow of love that only a brand new mother and child have. I almost gasped aloud and couldn't look anymore.

Then I felt stupid. Angry and Stupid. I don't know what that couple went through to get where they are. Who am I to be upset that they have that? I have no idea of their story.

Anger is a theme this week. I'm angry at my pregnant co-worker who thinks it is the end of the world that she has gestational diabetes, barely. She is over by 4 points. You'd think it was the end of the world. She's now as far along as I was when I had Boo. She's just "tired of everything going wrong." I want to shake her. She took a whole day off because she'd be too upset if she got bad news about her GD a week ago. Give me a break. You have a healthy child growing inside you. By now, my son was in the NICU struggling to breathe. You got pregnant the first month you tried. I've been trying for over 2 years. Suck it up. ** really, she's the nicest person, but I am easily annoyed right now**

I do let people know my story. If you know me IRL, you know I am a talker. I tell people about lots of things about myself. I'm an open book really, people probably know more than they need to know. Now I regret that a bit. I know there are plenty of people around me who have opinions on how we are dealing with IF. I mean I know they are thinking "why is she so upset, she's just not pregnant, it's not the end of the world." And it isn't...but that doesn't make it any less painful or frustrating.

We've been concentrating on Boo lately. We all went on a date on Friday to see Enchanted and then to dinner. It was GREAT! Especially at the end when he was dancing in the aisle to the closing credits. (He shakes his booty pretty well for a boy) He's great kid, funny, loud, smart as can be.

I have baby gifts to start knitting. Is it bad that I want to do quick projects that don't take any thought?

Where do we go from here?

We don't really know I guess...

We still want another child. *I* still want to be pregnant again. I'd like a chance to have a pregnancy I can enjoy, one that lasts longer than 31 weeks. But in the end, I want Boo to have a sibling, to have someone who knows him, all about him around after Mr and I are gone.

We don't have insurance anymore. It sucks, but that's the way it is. So we are going to go back to basics and chart. We'll continure acupuncture and herbs too. Since we are "unexplained," there is nothing to say that it can't work. It just hasn't. In 28 cycles, it hasn't.

But I guess there is hope that it might. It happened before, it can happen again. So we'll try. And we'll push our realtor to sell our other house...and THEN we'll persue IVF again.

There is the possibility of another trial for a progesterone ring...but not near here. I haven't brought that up to Mr much as it's still pretty expensive and we'd have to travel. I'm not sure if it would even be feasible to do...but I may bring it up and see.

Mr asked me not to write a letter to his CEO. I can understand why he doesn't want me to. If I were going to do it, I should have done it before. Sucks though.

I did take the embryo pictures off the fridge this weekend. I had Mr put them somewhere safe. Sigh....