Friday, December 15, 2006

Something to think about...

I read Manuela's blog today. I'm not sure how I found her, but I did. Her blog has been the source of my introspection on several topics lately.

Mr. found out about a year and a half ago that his mother had been pregnant when his father met her. She gave the little boy up for adoption. Her mother, his grandmother supposedly knew, the rest of her family did not.

His father told ME this after she died. He left me with this knowlege before he got on a plane and flew out of town. In his defense, he was asking me if Mr. was ready/strong enough to know this. My first instinct is to protect him. It has been for a long time. He'd been through so much.

Mr. and I almost lost Boo before he was born. It had been a very trying, tiring summer. His mother was sick, very sick and we had been dealing with that. Our lives were changing in other ways that I'll get into another time. I was diagnosed with VP. His mother was doing a bit better, but was in some ways worse. She was so far away. We are in the midwest, she was in New Mexico/Texas.

I was air lifted to Iowa City, then sent home, then ended up back in the hospital, all between 28 and 30 weeks pg. Boo was born at 31 weeks. We then found out THAT night that his father (on the other side of the continent in Georgia) had had a massive heart attack. Boo was airlifted to Iowa city and was there for 6 long weeks. His mother died, the day we first were able to hold our son (and my birthday) one week after Boo was born.

Did I think he was ready to know he had a brother out there? My immediate way in hell. That's what I told his father before he left that morning. By the time Mr. came home from work, I knew that no way in hell was I keeping this from him. I told him that night.

He didn't ask his dad about it until this time last year (this exact time, wow, I just got tears in my eyes) His dad gave him all the details he had in a very long phone call. It was the last long phone call he had with his father before he died.

We've talked a little about it. Does he want to look for this brother. His answer was "I don't know" After reading Manuela's POV, we've talked more about it. It was the basis of this wonderful conversation last sunday. The first we've really talked about it since he first found out.

I sent him Manuela's post today. His response.....In a way that’s some of what I fear if I ever meet my brother. And I have the whole “tell him everything about mom b/c he can’t meet her” deal. Along with the “ what if he’s a total leech/loser who had a horrible life and now wants to take it out on me b/c mom isn’t here” possibility. Kind of daunting….

Someone out there is going to send me nasty things, I'm sure (I flatter myself that anyone reads this, huh) It's his gut response to the idea of finding his "brother." It makes me angry, sad, and hurt for him all at the same time....

In my life, I didn't really consider myself affected by adoption. I am. In another way as well. More on that later.

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