Monday, April 30, 2007

The Whole Truth

I haven't been as forthcoming as I should have been regarding my IUI on Saturday. I neglected to tell the WHOLE truth about the ordeal that led up to it.

Our clinic uses OPK results for Clomid/IUI cycles. I was to start with OPK's on Friday, day 12 of my cycle. Last month, I O'd on day 18, the month before that, day 15. Well, of course friday the line turned up dark. Pretty dark...on one side...fading to light on the other.

I showed it to friend (eww...can't believe I did that), I called Mr and asked him. I finally called the nurse at the RE's office. Their office closes at 12:30 on fridays and I needed to ask. So yes, I am the stupid girl who can't read a pee stick! She told me that we'd treat it as "ambiguous" and to retest with FMU. We scheduled the IUI for Saturday at 9am~tentatively. If the line was the same or lighter we'd go ahead. If it was darker, we'd wait until Sunday.

Now, that part of me that freaks out when I don't have a firm plan kicked in. Walk America was Saturday at NINE! OMG! We have raised students brought in over 200.00 for this! We have planned for this for a long while. I have volunteered to set up! OMG!

What if it's sunday?? Mr's first BMX race of the season is Sunday! OMG! Who will watch Boo? OMG! ACK! This isn't supposed to happen until Monday at the earliest. I can take a 1/2 day much easier than deal with all of the schedule changing over the weekend.

Come Saturday morning, the line was lighter...a teeny tiny bit...but lighter! I got up at 6, got to the park at 7, helped with set up until 8, went and got Boo, dropped him off at our friend's house, went back to our house, sat paitiently and quietly so as not to distract Mr while he was collecting the sample, went to the office, dropped sample off, finally got breakfast, went and had implantation, picked up Boo from our friends, went back to the park in time for the final walkers to come in, played, socialized and helped clean up, and then went home and took a NAP!

SIGH...another exciting day in the Angelkisses family!

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Well that was fast!

Walk America was today!! It's beautiful weather and I was so excited for it.

Yesterday I found out that I'd be doing IUI #3 during the actual walk. FUN huh??

Yep, it's another cruel game my body is playing. Last cycle I O'd on day18, this 13! Gotta love that.

I did go help set up and then as soon as the IUI was over, we picked up Boo and went back to the park in time to see the last walkers coming in. It was still a lot of fun.

Monday, April 23, 2007

So you really want to know what's up with me huh?

It's been a while, I've been laying low.

IUI #2 was a bust. AF showed last monday. I called the nurse at the RE's office and she graciously reminded me that if this third and final IUI doesn't work, then we will be taking a mandatory cycle off and coming in to talk with our RE about what to do next. He already said that he suggests doing 3 IUI's with Clomid and then going straight to IVF. I'm not sure why, but it just depressed me to be reminded of it.

So Mr and I talked. We talked a LOT. He wants to do IVF if that's what it takes. We have a 15,000 cap on our insurance, so we decided to go for it if that's what the RE suggests again.

I can't imagine that he'd say something else. I called back on Tuesday to ask about day 3 bloodwork. The nurse explained (in a long explanation) that I don't need it. My day 21 progesterone shows that I'm ovulating and responding to Clomid. I don't need any other testing (she says.) I'm not completely convinced, but oh well.

I talked to my mother about this all. She's been sick and I had called to check on her. A little backstory here...

Last summer, they took Boo for the weekend so Mr and I could go to Chicago. He had a bit of a cold at the time, but nothing bad. Well, my 73 yr old mother caught pneumonia from him. She ended up in the hospital, in the ICU for 12 days! She's not really ever gotten her strength back. She got another cold that almost became pneumonia again a few months ago. The cough from it has never gone away. She's been up to the Mayo Clinic twice now to see a lung specialist. The cannot figure out what is causing it. They've run test after test. There are times she can barely breathe from the coughing and it's just wearing her out. She goes up again monday to see a different specialist. They will probably run more tests, they've ruled out lungs and nasal cavities, so they'll likely run tests on her esophagus and possibly do a lung biopsy just in case.

Anyway...I had called for an update and she asked how things were going with TTC. She tries to keep up with it as best she can. She was asking about what was going on and I was telling her that we think we'll do IVF if this IUI doesn't work. Now, my mother is Catholic and I was a little leery of telling her about it, but I did. She didn't realize that it's against the church's teachings and she even went so far as to tell me "I think that God wouldn't mind. He would want you to have another child. He understands. You aren't being selfish. You want another child so that Grant has another person in the world to connect with." My mom. She can say the right thing just when I need to hear it.

Saturday I volunteered at a Baby Expo for the March of Dimes booth. I guess I didn't realize that every pregnant woman within a 50 mile radius would be there. I know, I know...DUH Linda! It's a BABY EXPO for God's sake, what did you expect!?!

I'll tell you what I didn't expect. I didn't expect a 9th grade student to recognize me and hand me her 2 month old daughter to hold! I just didn't expect that. How does that happen? How do babies have babies so easily? She's smart too, such a smart girl. Attitude galore, but smart. UGH and WAHH and SIGH.

Okay, I think we're all caught up now...questions anyone??

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Barren Bitches Book Tour The Time Traveler's Wife

Loss (and unrealized dreams) are a theme in this story -- Henry loses his mother, Clare loses Henry often and sometimes for long stretches, Clare's grandmother loses her brother and her husband, etc. At one point, her grandmother asks Clare, "do you ever miss him?" She replies, "every day, every minute. Every minute, yes that's the way, isn't it?" ... Self-pity floods me as though I've been injected with it. It's that way, isn't it? Isn't it?" How has your loss and/or unrealized dream changed you?

Yes, it has. In the past few years, we've lost 3 family members and had several unrealized dreams. Has it changed me, absolutely. My husband has lost his family: mother, grandfather (who was the main father figure for a long time) and father within 18 months, as our son was fighting for his life. We almost lost our son to Vasa Previa as well. It has changed our family dynamic. We are trying so hard for a second child because Mr doesn't want Boo to go through losing his parents alone like he did. He learned after losing his mother that she'd given a son up for adoption before he was born. Our quest for a second child is shaped by this.
I'm not so quick to dismiss people's feelings. I don't assume that people are fine anymore. You never know the recent losses or issues that people are going through. I'd like to think I'm more considerate and understanding. I also treasure and cherish things that I didn't know I would. I don't take for granted anymore that I can pick up the phone and call my parents. DH can't do that anymore.

Clare, desperate for a child, is told by a future Henry not to give up. She is told that in his present, they have a child. This absolute knowledge helps Clare maintain hope and move forward, despite considerable obstacles. In the absence of such absolute knowledge, what keeps you moving forward with treatmentthrough infertility? Where do you find your own inner strength?

I think that because we have Boo, I do have a little bit of that inner strength. I know that we are so lucky to have him that I sometimes feel guilty for wanting another. I find strength in the knowledge that Mr and I are a unit together and that our unit is strong enough to endure considerable obstacles. We've made it through some very rough times and we can weather more if needed.
Also, although I don't go to church often, I do believe in God. I think in the grand scope of things, there is a higher being out there. My faith, although not as strong as it should be keeps me strong in a way.
I know that in the long run, no matter what happens to us, Mr and I will make it. We are strong together and we are strong for each other when we need to be. Part of that is because that's how I was raised, to be strong. I might be falling apart in one way but in another, I'll be the one to depend on. My mother is to thank for that. I get my strength from her and I'm proud of it.

Henry suggests adoption (p337) and then says (p339) that he doesn't feel incomplete without a child of his own and that Clare is obsessed with having a baby. Did / do you ever feel that one of you wants a baby much more than the other and if so, how did you cope with ?

I waver between thinking that I want another child more and Mr wanting one more. It goes in phases. Just today we've been talking about how it has finally hit Mr that we may actually have another and all that it entails. We talked about our feelings when we first found out about Boo. He told me that just recently he started thinking about how scared he was when we found out I was pg with Boo and all of the changes that were forthcoming. He's getting those same thoughts again. He wants to take them as a sign an I'm not sure we should. I think it's a pendulum with us. For a while, it's me and all I can think of. Then it's him and the feelings of loss that just don't go away. It's at it's worst when it's both of us who are desperately looking for another.

Hop along to another stop on this blog tour by visiting the main list at You can also sign up for the next book on this online book club: Waiting for Daisy by Peggy Orenstein.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Grant's Gang needs your support for Walk America

Many of you know that Grant was born at 31 weeks gestation.
He was 4lbs 2oz.
He was air lifted to University of Iowa Hospitals at 24 hours old where he recieved blood tranfusions, surfactant for his lungs and was monitored for RDS (respiriatory distress syndrome.)
After 4 weeks, Grant was brought back to the Genesis Hospitals here. He spent a total of 42 days in the hospital.

He is now a happy, healthy, precious little man who knows too much and keeps us both running, laughing and counting our blessings.

This is our third year participating in Walk America. The first year, we raised almost $500. Last year we raised $600. This year we are shooting for $1000!

I firmly believe that the March of Dimes is an amazing organization. They funded two major advancements in the care of preemies the Grant directly benefitted from, steriod injections in utero to help strengthen his lungs and surfactant given after birth to help him breathe. Without the March of Dimes and the work they do, this incredible little boy may not be here to make us laugh.

Please help us in our quest to raise money for this worthy cause. You may donate at our WalkAmerica Page .
Thank you for your support!

Friday, April 6, 2007


This will be a quick post. Sorry I've been MIA...we had a computer "accident."

Open window
Sudden storm
Open laptop sitting on endtable next to said window
Linda at the gym, completely oblivious to anything.
At dinner that night, we had friends over. One of them picked up the computer and oh, about a cup of water ran out of it.

Needless to say, Mr. was not happy. Neither was our OLD computer. I'm now working on a brand new laptop. (not really digging Vista BTW)

Anyway...IUI#2 went smoothly. I have a blood draw for progesterone tomorrow morning and then if no AF, I"ll POAS next weekend.

I have to get to sleep though. I have 18+ people coming for Easter dinner, some of the arriving at noon tomorrow. EEK