Let me count the ways

I completely understand that I shouldn't be counting symptoms but I seem not to be able to help myself....

1. My boobs are big and sore.
2. My fat jeans are snug.
3. I'm crampy.
4. My stomach looks like I'm about 12 weeks. (insert embarassed face)
5. My students have already asked me if I am.

Now, to make it fair...

1. I've gained about 10 lbs since September.
2. ditto
3. ehh...not sure there is a good reason for this.
4. see number 1
5. see number 1