Round and Round

As I sat waiting for our literacy meeting to start today, two other teachers from my building were talking. A was talking to V, explaining the arrangements they are making for when her #2 arrives this summer. She's due in June. She said something along the lines of "my husband said to me, 'what were we thinking, two is going to be a lot more work than one.'" V replied, that is part of what my husband and I discussed. Part of the reason we decided not to do IVF is that we are so comfy and in our routine with our son. Throughout the morning, V kept bringing up other reasons why it would be okay for her son to be an only child.

I chose not to participate in the discussion for several reasons, not the least of which being that V is good friends with my mortal enemy and I just didn't want to open myself up to that. Another reason I didn't speak up was that I thought about what Jane said at One Smart Mama in the post about regifting words.

But the overall reason I didn't join in is that I'd have to side with one or the other. If I agreed that V shouldn't have any more or pursue any more, would that mean that *I* shouldn't either? Up until now, I haven't really had to face that decision. I still don't want to. I'm not ready to say "Boo will be an only child." V is facing that and what I heard was her justifying her decisions as if she HAD to. I'm not ready to go there.

It's like when you come to a crossroads (watch me get all symbolic here)...but I don't want to make a decision yet. I'm not ready. So instead of a crossroads, let's call this a roundabout. I can get on and off whenever I want to or continue to go in circles. I'm not ready to turn any one corner yet. I'm not sure if we are firmly in the "pursuing pregnancy" camp or the "one and done" camp. So I'll hang out in the roundabout for a while. I'm sure I'll get dizzy sooner or later. But right now...round we go.