Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Things not to say

  1. Everything happens for a reason. This implies that the past 6 months were a waste. It means that it wasn't going to happen anyway so I gave myself shots, went through countless setbacks, overcame obstacles and worked very hard to get to this point. Telling us that it happens (or didn't) for a reason negates our efforts.
  2. Well, now that you don't have this stress, you can relax. I've heard that when you just relax you get pregnant. Yeah, okay, whatever.
  3. Maybe something was wrong with them. Look at all the things that went wrong with Boo, you don't want to go through that again do you? Actually, I'd go through about anything in order to have a child even remotely like Boo. He's an amazing boy and worth every second of worry and heartache. I'd go through it again in a heartbeat if I were able to experience the joys that he brings to my life with another child.
  4. God has a plan for everything. Then he better start sharing them with me because it's pretty hard to believe that he wants people to go through this.
  5. Wouldn't it be great if you got pregnant from just having intercourse? (yes, my seventy-five year old mother said this to me) It absolutely would. Let me go jump him right now because THAT'S what I feel like doing!
  6. Maybe Boo was meant to be an only child. Maybe you should shut the hell up!
  7. What are you going to do now? I don't have any answer for this. When you ask me, it opens the door to all of the other comments that I cannot bear to hear right now. It's been less than 24 hours. We've been trying for 2 1/2 years and involved in the study for 6 months, would a few days be too much to ask before inquiring about our future?

I thought today would be easier. It's not.


DD said...

After I would get through the anger, I would feel a little bit sorry for the people who would say these dumb things because I knew that it was just a reflection of their inability to emphathize.

What's wrong with these people just asking, "Is there anything I can do?" or "I'm here if you need me."?

Pam said...

I'm sorry for the negative, and for the comments you've had to endure.

Anonymous said...

I hear you. I just received that horrific phone call. I thought it would be easier too. I've been pretty strong throughout the whole process, and I thought I was handling the negative HPTs quite well, but to hear the words from the RE himself just now was completely crushing. I guess you can't truly know and understand until you've been there. It hurts like hell. I'm comforted that you have such wonderful support in your husband, as I have in mine. It would be impossible to go through this pain alone.

Starfish said...

I know how stupid people can be. They try to be helpful but they just make things worse. Hide under the bed and eat chocolate for a while.

Dagny said...


I have heard all those wayyyyyyy too many times.