Thursday, March 6, 2008

My support

A friend asked about our results yesterday.
When I told her, she said exactly the right thing..."I cannot imagine how you are grieving right now."

Hearing those words spoken soothed me and I realized that this wasn't just not being pregnant this time. This was the past six months and all our hopes. It was countless early morning trips, time off work. It was needles and meds that made me emotional. It was prayers and tears and lots of work.

I made Mr put all the meds away, I don't want to see them, but I can't seem to take the picture of the embryos off of the fridge. Not yet at least.

Mr has been so affected by the outcome of the trial...

Usually, no matter what, I am the strong one....when we got Boo's diagnosis, when his mom was sick, when his dad and grandfather died ....he just isn't the one to handle things, I am. I keep it together and take care of him.

But this time, although he has cried with me and been truly truly affected (he's doing all this research, has updated his resume to possible find a new job with more $ or IF benefits) but yet, is SO taking care of me.

Without a word, when I asked him to pack up the meds last night so I didn't have to look at them, he did. He waited for me at the door when I finally got home tuesday night (at 8:45) and was just there for me. He told me I don't have to do anything I don't want to and lets me just be...

Tonight, he brought me my favorite "I can't eat anything but need to" takeout and then when I offhandedly mentioned that I wanted chocolate covered almonds, put on his shoes and brought me back ALL of my favorite chocolate....dark chocolate covered almonds, whoppers, cadbury mini eggs and a Ghiradrdelli toffee interlude bar

He's been wonderful and supportive and so gentle and understanding so I needed to brag him up. He's told people that I don't feel like talking and will call when I am. He's also told them what not to say. He's dried my tears and his own and I love him for it.

5 comments:

DD said...

I'm envious of your man. Mr. DD just expects me to "suck it up" when things didn't work out. I blame myself b/c maybe I wasn't as clear with him my desires so when they would fall through, he had no idea how the impact.

Mr listened and responded and that's all we need some days.

hoping for a child said...

thanks for your kindness. i received a lot of responses but you obviously know how much it hurts. i don't know what to say. i guess i lied when i said i was done blogging. i was just angry...at the whole world.

Summer said...

How wonderful of the Mr to be the support you need and take care of you right now. And, it's great that your friend knew how to respond. I hope you find more of the same in the others around you.

Trying said...

Wow... I have to ask my wife if I'm that good to her.
I just found your blog, and was hoping you'd be able to give me a short history of your past as I don't really have time to read through an entire blog archive... can you just comment it onto mine???

Starfish said...

That's really wonderful. Sometimes there are small good things that come out of tragedies, like connecting with your husband in a way you never have. I know I never loved my husband more than when he comforted me after another failure. Hugs to you today.