BRRRR....Baby it's cold outside!

Windchill today is -15 or so. I finally got back this afternoon from my parent's house. There was a blizzard warning yesterday, so Boo and I stayed over. We were to have come home from Wisconsin yesterday but decided not to chance it.

It's nice to go to Mom's and be babied! My mom is a great cook, so there was no need to do that. I did make it out to their mall to get some shopping done, sas Boo. That was nice. We watched old Jodi Foster movies and played Five Crown. Sigh...it was good to be home.

Grandma and Grandpa adore Grant. You'd think with SO many grandchildren....but they love him and he loves them. They taught him how to play "Dot Dominos" (as opposed to Car's Dominos), they played Go Fish and taught him War. Grandma has more cookies than a bakery....he was in heaven!

Today it's back home and back to reality. Shopping, cleaning, wrapping...but that extra day was a nice break for me.

Show and Tell

This is our tree this year. I didn't like the way it looked, I don't know why. But the more I look at it, the lights illuminating the ribbon, the more I like it. I'm pretty proud of it!

Last night we had a "holiday party." Although not too many people came (I sent out invites too late) we had a great time. Food, friends, a few games of Five Crown....what can I say?

Our friends invited some of their friends to come (hey, the more the merrier I say!) Chris kept staring at the tree, telling me how beautiful it was....to which my husband said "yeah, I'm married to Martha Stewart, didn't Bob tell you?"

Guess I did okay huh?

Now, go post your own SHOW AND TELL! I want to see what ya got!

Snow removal for hire...anyone interested?

In order to keep from thinking about the email I had to send to our clinic postponing our cycle until further notice....

Anyone need help shoveling??

I love this kid!

I was going to fire up the snow blower when I got home. I didn't get it started, but Boo was having so much fun in the snow that I pulled out the snow shovel. He wanted one, so I handed him on. He actually shoveled about 1/8 of the driveway!!

What to do?

I was cleaning and organizing yesterday for a holiday party we're having this weekend. I bleached the kithen counters. (Who was it that thought white tile with white grout on a kitchen counter was a good idea?) Then moved to organizing.

I was working on the downstairs bookcase, going through things that had been piled there, when I came upon the pictures of our embryos. I'd had Mr put them up for me after the negative blood work last March. But here they were, staring me in the face.

I looked at them for a few minutes, re-reading the embryologist's notes. I looked long and hard at teh pictures, what I was looking for I don't know. Answers of some kind, I'm sure. Maybe a message or a hint as to why, but there were no answers to be found.

I put them up, hid them really. I don't quite know what to do with them. What do you do with pictures of embyos that didn't implant? I can't see scrapbooking them. I can't imagine throwing them away.

What did you do with yours?

Show and Tell Festival of Trees

Festival of Trees

For Show and Tell today, I'm showing our pictures of Festival of Trees. I hope that Mel doesn't mind that it's not an "object" but an observation.

Festival of Trees is a local tradition around our area. We hadn't taken Boo in the past few years because we weren't sure how he'd like it. As you can see, he loved it! He frosted cookies, played games, looked a beautiful trees. The highlight for him was listening to a children's choir perform and getting a chance to run the electric train set.

This time of year makes me wish I were a child again. There is so much holiday stress anymore, but taking him to Festival of Trees made me realize that we can all be like kids....just enjoy the magic in THEIR eyes!

Yesterday was St. Nicolas day. My mother used to fill our stockings with a bit of candy and new mittens and hats. When Boo woke yesterday, next to his shoes under the tree were new slippers and some chocolate and a coloring book. Now he's asking all the time how soon Santa will be here. His wonderment makes me smile!

Hitting me where it hurts...

Boo's teacher is now out on bed rest in anticipation of her baby being born. I know that this means they've been talking about it in school. I'm not nearly as neurotic as I used to be about it. He has a long term sub and we've talked a little about Mrs. J having her baby.

So all this talk of the baby at school led to this conversation last Saturday.

I wasn't feeling well as I'm getting a cold. We went to Micky D's after dropping my car off to get detailed. I was rubbing my forehead because of my sinus infection.

As we are eating, Boo looks at me and says


Mom, I know what you need!
Really, what's that?
You need a BABY! No, you need two babies, a boy baby AND a girl baby!
Then he says...
Mom, you need a baby to hold and cuddle, that would make you feel better. I could help you take care of them. Then I'd be a BIG brother! I'd be a good big brother, wouldn't I?

Ahh...to be that innocent. He's also said this past week After Christmas, babies come Mom! That will be so nice to have a baby.

Boo is so innocent and loving. He WOULD make an amazing big brother! He cares about others, he gives love unconditionally. He is genuinely interersted in other people and wants them to know him. He has no idea and I love him for that. I admire his faith and outlook. I need to adopt a little of it myself it seems.

Apparently I'm a mess......

I had my "yearly" exam yesterday. The last one was done at U of I, so when I called, I got in to see the NP instead of the doc. No big deal, or so I thought.

I'd been dreading a little this for some reason. I knew going to the OB would mean being surrounded by pregnant women, but I thought I could handle it.

Not so much.

I had to update my paperwork since it had been 2 years since I'd been in the office. So I filled it out and grabbed a copy of Concieve magazine (where I found a reference to MEL at Stirrup Queens), trying to ignore the mulititude of pregnant women and their hubbies sitting in the waiting room. I get called up to pick up my insurance cards. When I return to my seat, it's been taken along with my magazine by an obviously pregnant woman! HELLO! YOU DON'T NEED THAT MAGAZINE, YOU ALREADY GOT PREGNANT!

Whatever

So I get called back and the NP does all of the preliminary work.
Then she says to me "do you have any concerns we should discuss before I take a look?"
Do I have concerns? Let me think, do I have concerns that it's been 3 years, 4 IUI's, 5 rounds of Clomid and a clinic IVF trial and I'm STILL not pregnant....???
"Umm, no I guess not"
She chuckles and says "you had to think a minute huh?"
This is where I tear up...
"Well, we've been trying for 3 years to have another child. We've been to an RE and to University of Iowa and are now trying to figure out if we can financially afford to do another IVF cycle...." Deep breaths so she can't see the tears.
"Oh, well I'm sure they'll be able to help you."
She does the exam, everything looks fine and she ends with "I guess you don't need any birth control then, right?"
WTF, no I don't
"No, no meds needed."
"Well, I'm sure the next time I see you, you'll be pregnant"

Yeah, right.

I made it to the car before the tears came at last.
Why was this so hard? It's not like I've not been around pregnant people. It's not like I haven't been to a doctor before and discussed this. After 3+ years, this should get easier shouldn't it? I'm a big girl and pretty good about handling it most of the time. Yet, there I was, sitting in my car with tears streaming down my eyes.

If the trial had worked, I'd have a baby. My due date would have been 2 weeks ago. Is it starting to catch up with me? Who knows. I called Mr. and cried to him. Then I went shopping.