A friend on my message board posed this question the other day. The longer time passes without become pregnant the more I think about this. Don't get me wrong, I want my child to grow up and become an independant person, but I also want to cuddle him every day. I love to see the new things he can do, the words he can read, the way he makes decisions for himself.
I also miss rocking him in the glider. I miss smelling his baby skin as his cheek rests on my shoulder. I miss that soft even breathing in my ear as he drifts into sleep. I even miss the NICU moments. The ones where I wasn't sure that I could get attatched to this little person, if he would live. I miss the magical moment when I first held him, so tiny and fragile. It was my birthday gift. The best one of my entire life. I miss every single challenge that was presented to us. I have regrets for not cherishing them more.
It does make me sad. I didn't realize at the time that it might be the last time I heard that sound or smelled that smell. Now I'm beginning to. I want to stop time, freeze it so that I can come back and experience that moment again. I wish I had known then how much I needed to etch those moments in my mind.