Thursday, February 5, 2009

Do you feel sad that your kids won't be babies forever?

A friend on my message board posed this question the other day. The longer time passes without become pregnant the more I think about this. Don't get me wrong, I want my child to grow up and become an independant person, but I also want to cuddle him every day. I love to see the new things he can do, the words he can read, the way he makes decisions for himself.

I also miss rocking him in the glider. I miss smelling his baby skin as his cheek rests on my shoulder. I miss that soft even breathing in my ear as he drifts into sleep. I even miss the NICU moments. The ones where I wasn't sure that I could get attatched to this little person, if he would live. I miss the magical moment when I first held him, so tiny and fragile. It was my birthday gift. The best one of my entire life. I miss every single challenge that was presented to us. I have regrets for not cherishing them more.

It does make me sad. I didn't realize at the time that it might be the last time I heard that sound or smelled that smell. Now I'm beginning to. I want to stop time, freeze it so that I can come back and experience that moment again. I wish I had known then how much I needed to etch those moments in my mind.

3 comments:

LJ said...

I've only had my son for 4 days and already it's going so fast. Sigh. Great post.

DD said...

Why does it seem tomorrow is here ina blink and yesterday was ages ago?

That's how I've been feeling.

Coffeegrl said...

This is exactly what terrifies me. I love my daughter (13 months old tomorrow) and love watching her grow. But what if we have as much trouble getting pregnant the next time? What if she's our only? What if we don't get a sibling for her? So many what if's and unanswered questions. It's enough to make me break out in a cold sweat. I hear you...