I feel like I'm letting my team down. We are taking ohhh...120 7th graders on a trip to the IMAX on friday. Yes, friday before spring break. Yes, we are a little crazy. We figured, what the hell, let's get out of here on a day they'll be crazy anyway.
I am staying back with the kids who aren't going since I have mixed team classes and otherwise I'll have to get someone to cover all of my classes.
We'll have IUI #2 this week and it won't be tomorrow...so I'll be gone one morning this week. It might be friday. I felt it was only fair to let the others on my team know this. I feel guilty, but I'm not going to blow this cycle because of a field trip. They are okay about it, but I know that it's a pain in the ass to have to try to figure out what to tell a sub IF I'll be gone.
I can't really help that, now can I? They aren't mad, but it's a PITA for them (and me) that I just can't avoid. I could have just not said anything, but that isn't fair. So now I feel like a freak idiot because I can't control when my body is going to ovulate and because I can't get pregnant the normal way.
Oh...and to ramble on a little more...It hit me the other day how much of a lapsed Catholic I am now. I mean, I have always taken BCP, so it's not as if I were devout before (and I've done MUCH worse, but that's another story.) But why is it that I'm just now realizing how against ART (IUI, IVF) the church is? What does this mean? Does it mean that I don't believe in God because I'm chosing to use technology to have another child? Does it mean that my child will not be welcome? Does it mean I'll never be welcome again?
More importantly, why is this bothering me now? I haven't even gone to church regularly in the past year and a half. I had just recently started going semi-recently in the year before that after 10 years of not going. Why is this a big deal to me now?
Is God punishing me for the things I've done in my past? If so, does that mean I'll be punished forever if I concieve via methods the Pope doesn't approve of? Does this make me a bad person? Can you tell from looking at me?