Thursday, October 4, 2007

Let's talk about that elephant, shall we?

Another, yes...that makes THREE, person I "know" through the boards has tested at 9dpo and announced a BFP. I feel like I am such a bitch because I just get frustrated when I see it. And you know what? I feel like everyone is probably wondering why I'm didn't immediately congratulate. I wonder if they think when I do that it isn't heartfelt enough. Yeah, I one even notices probably, but still.

I get frustrated and mad and jealous. How nice to be able to trust a that "a line is a line." How nice to get excited so early. But I don't/won't/cant.

See I've had those cycles where I started testing at 8dpo. I was practically using a magnifying glass looking for a line. But when it doesn't show, ya know, it hurts. So I learned pretty quickly to wait as long as I could stand before testing. Less money wasted that way and less heart hurt, less stinging disappoinment at the empty space where a line should be.

I've also seen those faint lines. Guess what, a line isn't always a line. If you have to photoshop, backlight and squint to see might want to think again. Sorry if that's blunt. See I have seen those lines and AF shows. I've even had a "not negative, not positive" blood test. Now THAT is fun huh?

I guess my problem is that I hate to see people hurt, including myself. So I learned how to insulate myself from that a bit. You don't trust everything right away. I've gotten excited about things before and had them fall through, not just in IF, but in other things too. You have to be careful, this is your heart. So I get angry when I see people set themselves up for hurt and pain. I don't see the point in it. If you know a train may come, if one is scheduled soon...GET OFF THE TRACKS!


LJ said...

It's often really hard for me to give congrats to folks with a BFP. We all know the odds. We know that with every so many positives, a few of them will not result in a baby. It's hard to see it when your in it...pee sticks are from hell. Though I am one of those backlighting freaks.

Bea said...

Yes, it's hard to know what to say. You don't want to come out with, "Well I hope the baby doesn't die!" but it doesn't feel right to pretend like everything's definitely going to turn out fine.

Good choice of post.


Kathy V said...

I came via the creme. I have taken it upon myself for my own gratification not to pee on a stick if I don't have to. If I have a gut feeling already, that is my answer. I don't want to be hurt either. I find I am less disappointed (and crazy) when I hold out on peeing on a stick. AF normally arrives then before I need to so no big deal. I thought I was the only one who refused to pee on pregnancy sticks to prevent further heartache. Thanks again for this post.