IF is like a necklace....

Do you ever feel like you just can't get away from your IF? It's like a weight around your neck. A small weight, but you can still feel it there, every day. I'm feeling like that lately. I keep being reminded of my IF, everywhere I go.

First, as I've said before, I'm surrounded by pregnant women.

Then, there's the problem of scheduling my treatements. It turns out that my next cycle will nicely coinside with our ITBS schedule at school. Any teachers out there? Yeah, you understand don't you? I fought to be able to test "my" reading students in my class. I teach struggling readers in 7th grade. I want them to take the test with ME, not in some random homeroom where the teacher may or may not care. (that's being callous I know, but it can be very true) Our new principal agrees and we look at our schedule and how to do this. As we are, I look at the calendar and realize that our Thaw/Fertlize/Transfer is right at that time. Niiiiice..... Yes, I had to tell her that depending on my medical issues I may not be able to be there. She was awesome and we worked out a contingency plan, but it's far from best case scenario.

Thirdly, our best friend's cousin is pregnant. She is 23, has been in trouble with the law and single. She had a one night stand with someone at the hotel she was working at and is pregnant. If that wasn't bad enough, she has been in preterm labor. She'd due on Valentine's day. She went into labor at 28 weeks and they stopped it. She then went into labor again last weekend. My friend and I were talking about it, as she is one of A's labor coaches. She realized as they were asking her the admitting questions that A hasn't quit smoking! Then she pointed out that A's Aunt, whom she's living with is a chain smoker as well. I about lost it (inside, I think I hid it well) I cannot imagine, especially having had a preemie how someone, especially someone who is studying to be a nurse, can even FATHOM bringing a premature infant home to a house filled with smoke. I get angry even thinking that she's allowed to get pregnant so easily yet....well, you know the rest.

Then, I vented on a board I'm on about this and got a response like this....

I know what you mean- I am TTC and when I am in public and see teenagers pushing around babies I cringe.... Good thing I have COMPLETE trust in God's perfect planning and timing in my own life. I know He is holding out for a good reason.

Now, I must point out that this is coming from a woman who has been TTC a WHOLE 5 MONTHS! Are you kidding me?? Seriously, I hope you can retain your COMPLETE faith in God when you have been TTC for over 2 years, when you watch babies that were concieved after you started trying turn a year old. Come to me THEN and talk to me about how God is holding out for a good reason!!

Then, the final straw...the Law and Order: SVU episode. I thought for the most part it was well done. Of course there was every controversy in the book mentioned in the episode. I was irritated at some parts but overall it was okay.

My husband, after watching the first 5 minutes turns to me and says "you just can't get away from this stuff, huh?" Nope, I can't. It's that pendant around my neck that is just a little to heavy. It won't cause me backaches. I won't drown from wearing it, but I get a little tired of it after a while.