So for some reason, it JUST hit me that I'm going to give birth in less than 2 months. I am now scared to death.
For those who don't know, our son Boo was born at 31 weeks via C-section. I was never allowed to go into labor. He was in the NICU for 6 weeks before coming home.
Now that we are having another, I realized that I have NO idea what giving birth is like. I am going to try for a VBAC. I just signed up for a Childbirth class today. (Nothing like waiting until the last minute, huh?)
Really, honestly, truly...I'm scared.
1. I've never had a "newborn" at home. Boo was trained to eat every 3-4 hours by the time he came home from the hospital. He didn't have to be held all the time b/c we weren't allowed. He was a GOOD baby once he was home, no crying jags, slept for 3-5 hours at a time ect.
2. Mr had colic...and I mean COLIC when he was a baby. His mother even said to me "I didn't think we were ever going to be friends until he was 8 months old" What if this one is like that?
3. I'm SCARED TO DEATH to give birth :oops: I want a VBAC, but I have no real idea what to expect. How am I going to be able to CARE for a newborn while I'm recovering?? What if I need an episiotomy? What do real contractions feel like?
4. Breastfeeding. I pumped with Boo, but never truly breastfed. SCARED :shock: How will I know what to do? How will I do this with Boo around? What if he's attatched to me all the time?
5. What am I going to do with Boo during all of this time? I mean he's a great kid and all, but he's SO used to being the center of attention, what is going to happen when I need to do two things at once? It will be summer! He'll be home all the time. ACK!
6. Am I too old to be doing this? For God's sake, I'm almost 39 and do I really have any business doing this? Is it going to be fair to him that his parents are retirement age when he's in HIGH SCHOOL?